look at the picture below. which could do you think is more in love?
a) the eldery couple in front
b) the younger hottie couple
c) none of the above
d) all of the above?
who do you think is more touching?
Originally uploaded by yl.
age old question maybe. my option would be (D). true, the eldery couple might not look very lovely dovey in this picture. but as they were coming up the steps of the bus, the ah gong stood behind the ah ma, making sure that she made it to the seat safely. the ah ma, not to be outdone, also made sure that ah gong is surviving well behind her. when they sat down, ah ma immediately started meddling with the adjustable air-conditioning ducts. her antics got on the nerves of ah gong. ah gong said in cantonese, within the earshot of everyone on board, a tone typical of his generation,
“aiyah, what are you doing?!?!”
“adjusting this stupid thing so that the wind don’t blow at you. you are having running nose! what if you catch a cold on top of that??” ah ma replied. ah gong kept quiet, most probably appreciating the fact that ah ma has his interests at heart. soon, ah ma shows her new purse to ah gong, filling ah gong in on which kiddie of theirs bought it for her as a birthday gift and the latest happenings in the lives of their brood of offsprings.
the younger couple, although less ermmm vocal, was more than happy to put up a show of intimacy on a public bus. the guy was smooching the gal throughout their journey, hugging her protectively as well. when they reached their “heavy” palm-sized handbag, most probably so that she could have both hands to balance herself with. ah… hot heaty love and long time old-school love. what a contrast!
it sets me thinking: would i ever have a chance to experience such emotions? honestly, i think i am too cynical to be able to have such a relationship anymore. which is why i had pre-warned my mom when my sister got married. i had told her, “ok, now that elder sister is married. when little brother got married, please dont ask me when i am getting married… coz i am never going to get married!”
people whom i had told them in passing said,
“aiyoh! young lady!! you are much too young to say that!! why?? had a very hideous previous relationship?? you would get over it. or you come from a broken family issit??” i come from a very happy and cozy immediate family, where everyone cares for everyone (sadly, tat excludes the extended family). so why am i so bitter and negative towards marriage?
the reason being: i see a lot of troubles and problems involved with love and marriage life.
1) A might be crazily in love with B. B could be nonchalant towards A. or worse, B could see A as a means of tool to achieve some other aims, eg, career advancement, a free maid, a personal prostitute, a childbearing tool, etc. when is love and affections really reciprocated? lets not be picky and demand for the same level of commitment. but simply just reciprocated, irregardless of the amount “invested”?
2) A is in love with B. B is in love with A. but the family of A might just hate B, vis versa. even if A and B managed to fight back all “attacks” and get married, the in-laws or some evil relatives would still show their antagonisations against the sponse. even if before marriage, the in-law love their potential son/daughter-in-law, somehow, living together would cause frictions and tempers would soon fly and the marriage would, unavoidably, hit some rocks and if divorced, there are bound to be some ugly comments being passed around.
3) A and B might be merrily married until junior comes along. suddenly, everyone who has a junior before thinks it is ok to intrude into the lives of this trio. “aiyah!! i have popped X kids!! i noe it better than you!!”, “its not good for MY grandchild!”, “must give this to MY grandchild!! its good!!”, or the ultimate, “i have eaten more salt than you have eaten rice. listen to me.” dammit, didnt they know that too much salt kills?? so obviously they are not in a good position to comment. :P
4) after years of marriage, the kids grew up. the hubby/wifey get mid-life identity crisis. one gets into an affair with a young good looker. partner finds out. marriage over. all happy times forgotten.
if love and marriage has a high possibility of pain and divorce, then why fall in love and get married at all?? if one doesnt fall in love or get married, then most probably the only life one messed up is your own life, not someone else’s. and definitely not some kids’ lives that they ended up being dynsfunctional and being a blight in the society. then some other kind and patient soul have to spend much time, not to mention resources, to clean up your mess. all coz you loved the wrong person. sad, isnt it?
one might argue: love and marriage involves give and take… ok, eg, a gal likes a guy. she tries all ways and means to please him. say, the guy wanted a good looker as a girlfriend. she goes on a diet, went for all sorts of beauty regimes and dolls up herself really well. they fell in love, got married. after childbirth, the girl finds it difficult to cut all the fats that she has piled on during pregnancy. the guy dumps her coz she is no longer slim and pretty, justified? coz if the marriage is a contract in the first place, the girl had “failed” to “fulfilled” her part of the contract by appearing slim and pretty. the guy could argue that the “payment in kind”, in this case, a baby, is not the “goods” he is looking for, right? reasonable?
flashback from my other private blog that had since been shutdown:
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
age, marriage & commitment
“when you come to our age, marriage becomes a responsibility. that’s why couples without children would divorce when they come to our age….. coz there is no love left nor common goals to share…” – a 40-year-old woman
“marriage is simply a deal of mutual making-use. he makes use of us to give birth, to do watever he couldnt. we make use of him to do watever we couldnt do.”
“@ yr age, dun be so choosy…. just find a nice boyfriend & get married. no matter wat, a woman is incomplete without a husband & children, irregardless of whether she is dependent on a man or not. no matter how strong or capable a woman is, she always need a family.”
“when the time comes, U would get married. dun have to be anxious abt it or give yrself a deadline.”
“there’s no perfect match in this world. just 80% right marriage. so dun wait, when the 80% right guy comes along, just get married.”
such is the diverse array of marriage related comments i have come across so far. it comes from the various walks of life…. from the blissfully married ones, the neutrally married ones, the unhappily married ones, the unwilling spinsters & the merry spinsters.
marriage, something so far away, so frightening. the mention of marriage conjures no positive image in my mind…. not the pretty, happy young mom with beautiful little children, a caring good-looking husband with a generous income, car & condo. more like the harassed worn-out looking auntie type of mom, with naughty ill-bred children & a nonchalant husband who is worried abt being retrenched & loss of being the head of the family due to none income (think: male -> gatherers, females -> herders), all crowded into a tiny HDB flat with noisy intolerant neighbours (not tat private estate neighbours are any better!! :P)! marriage is indeed not a pretty sight in my opinion. imagine the marriage involves two families, each with their own way of thinking & customs/traditions. mother-in-laws who never seemed to be pleased with their newly-acquired daughters. sad to say, i have yet to meet a happy pair of mother/daughter-in-law…….
Originally uploaded by yl.
1) A 为 B 倾倒。B 可能对A没意思。或者更糟的，B 把A 视为一样可利用的工具，对事业、免费女佣、传略妓女、生育工具等等。付出的情，会被回报吗？撇开回报分量不谈，就只是基本的回报吧。会吗？
2) A 爱 B。 B 爱 A。但是A的家人不爱B，或B的家人不喜欢A。尽管A与B排除万难的结婚了，家人的冷言冷语，亲戚们的挑拨离间可能会让婚姻蒙受重大的压力。尽管婚前彼此看起来情况乐观，但是，相见易相处难。。。结果闹翻了，又是不开心。
3) A 与 B 开心的结婚了，也有了孩子。忽然全世界生过孩子的人都觉得自己有权利闯进这小家庭的生活。“我生过那么多孩子！我比你懂的多！”, “我知道这对我的孙子有好处！”, “给我孙子这个！对他有益无害！”, 或者最经典的“我吃的盐比你吃的米多！听我的！”难道他们不知道吃盐对身体没好处吗？？还是别听了！:P
“当你是我们的年龄，婚姻是一种责任。所以如果一对夫妇到我们的年龄而没儿女多办会离婚。因为他们既没热爱有没共同目标了。” – 一年约四十的女士所说。