this is a post i wrote in my private blog about the death of my two ex-colleagues, one of them being my mentor, before i switched sides to liquidblade.com. as i had said before, ladies, please take care of yourself.
you are gone
when you told me you had breast cancer, i had a shock. i still remember it was a saturday. and i was eating Chongqing hotpot. it was quite some time since we last chatted. i tried calling you for some time. but usually you were out. sms-es went unanswered. i thot you had forgotten abt me. or that we have no issue to be talking to each other anymore. then came the sms on that saturday, “you free now? can call me?” i was still thinking that how come such an inconvienent timing. i called you nevertheless. and you shocked me with the revelation that you were sicken with breast cancer and hence, was too sick to call me. i felt ashamed at my childishness. i remember you even said,”所以你有空得打电话来敲敲门,看看我还在不在。” i remember i even retort,”不要乱说！不会的！”
you mentioned that you were undergoing chemotherapy. and the whole course of chemotherapy would finish around first or second week of may. you mentioned of tat company asking you to go back to work after you are done with your chemotherapy sessions. i naively told you to retire, rest and relax @ home after you are done with your chemotherapy. but i never thot of the fact that the treatment and recovery process might not progress as well as hoped for. i stupidly thot that everything would be well and happily ever after. i was that stupid. so much so that i even sent you a congratulatory sms on the successful completion of your chemotherapy sessions and you are well. i am sorry that i opened up the wounds of your family if they ever got to read that hurting sms.
thinking you were well and happy @ home, i had tried to called you today. somehow feeling a tad uneasy that no one picked up, i suddenly thot of acting ignorance and calling tat company to ask for you. i was told, rather coolly and nonchantly “she passed away.” all i could say was,”HUH??” perhaps, being a business entity, its not auspicious to be called asking for a deceased, especially so if the person is in sales.
i called up another ex-colleague. he updated me on where your final resting place is located roughly. and brought another piece of sad news. tat another ex-colleague had lost the battle to the very same breast cancer tat took you away. after a lapse, i cried. i miss you, even though i knew that with your passing, you would not have to suffer the uncomfortable chemotherapy sessions or the terrible afterwards. but i still miss you. you were the one who mentored me. you had, within your capabilities and capacity, protected me back then in tat terrible exploitative workplace. i never voiced it but thank you. and i shall regret it that i didnt visit you when you are ill, thinking that i could have brought some unnecessary diseases when your immunity is already weakened by cancer. till now, i still dunno whether its the correct decision. i supposed i never will.