Principle ~ 原则

A particular married individual once said this,”*a particular day of the week is my family day. If I did not even managed to leave this particular day aside for family, I would be a bachelor in time to come.” I admire the underlying meaning of these words.

Honestly, in my life, these words had made their appearances in a variety of ways. I have heard them all. But of all the people I knew, only three who uttered these words and still live up to them… Let’s just call them Mr A, Mr B and Mr C. Three males who used different ways to live up to the principle of those words.

Let’s talk about Mr A. Mr A is from the generation where men are more chauvinistic and expected to be those strong silent types. Therefore, the words of “Loving you” or “loving me” find it difficult to slip through his mouth. He would use his strong silent ways to fulfill his promise to his missus and their little ones, that for the standard of living of the family, he might not have much relaxing time but for this family, there would definitely be a special time for the family. And it is for the persistence of Mr A that the A family used to have a special library trip every Monday where he gave up a chance to earn more in order to bring the kids to library so as to cultivate a reading habit in them. Till now, their kids have somewhat grown up, Mr and Mrs A still have their special together time. Mr A, is my dad.

As for Mr B, he is someone I got to know from somewhere. I never had the chance to meet his family and all. But from my contact with him, Mr B is someone who exudes capabilities and a cosmopolitan approach to things. Some people who fancy themselves as cosmopolitan had this notion that they do not need family, that their career is the most important. Mr B is also very persistent on maintaining the importance of family day. No room for negotiation on that. In doing so, he revealed his devotion towards Mrs B and of course, their family.

Mr C is slightly special in this sense. He is someone who is married for quite some time but did not have any children. Generally speaking, for such couple family, people tends to generalize that they do not need to set aside a family day since, well, they could afford to go dating whenever they want since they are a couple and it would be easy to coordinate their times. Honestly, I think that it is in such family that one tends to neglect each other. If they do not set aside a special day for family, they might soon find that the significant other party in their lives is not the one they married but the one they signed a work contract with.

In a family, I think it is easy to neglect the importance of communication and staying together. Some people have these ridiculous idea that in a family, because the same bloodline flows through the body, they would naturally have the communication and cohesiveness. Balderdash!! To simply just assume that people would stick together because of blood? Being in the same family merely speaks of similar DNA make up. It has got nothing to do with cohesiveness.

The cohesiveness of a family is dependent on whether they are nurtured in such a way. Even if the child is adopted, if he is nurtured to be a part of the family from young, there is no reason why he would not belong. In a family, even if the blood in their bodies are genetically the same, they would still grow up to be competitive and perhaps, fight each other in the legal courts.

This seems to be such a simple but they difficult concept.

* To preserve the privacy of the people concerned, the day he said has been deleted.

某位已婚的老大哥曾说这么一句话:“*某天是我的家庭日。如果连这一天也没空出来,我很有可能在不久的将来又会变成王老五。” 这句话里所包含的原则,让我敬佩。

老实说,在我生活中,这句话时常以不同的方式出现,我听得多了。但是认识的人当中,真正说而有原则去做的,记忆中只有三位,在此就以甲大叔、乙大爷与丙大哥为代号吧!三位男士以不同的方式履行同样的“家庭日”原则。

先说甲大叔。甲大叔是一位稳重年长的先生,所以什么“爱你”,“爱我”的字眼绝对不会从他口中出现。他就是以他那稳重,含蓄但是又诚恳的方式履行对甲大婶与孩子们的那个诺言:“在我生命中,为了家庭的生活素质,我可能闲暇时间不多,但是我们这个家,一定有一个属于我们的特别时间。”,也就因为甲大叔的这份坚持,甲家曾经在每个星期一都到公共图书馆去。因为要培养孩子们的阅读习惯,所以他选择放弃了这一天所能赚取的工资,带孩子们到只有在这一天才会延长开放时间的公共图书馆。所以甲大叔选择这一天为家庭日而放弃了赚钱的机会,放弃休息的机会。目前,孩子们都长大了,但是甲大叔与甲大婶仍然坚持他们生活中的特别属于彼此的时间,旁人免入。甲大叔,正是家父。

乙大爷呢,是某位我在某处认识的。我没见过乙大娘或乙家的孩子们,但是在接触中,乙大爷爷就是属于那种能干,见过世面的人。有些人呢,会以自己出外走动多了,见识多了,就自以为是,以个人事业为重。乙大爷也非常坚持一个星期的某天为家庭日,而且无论如何都没得好商量。言行举止中,自然而然地透露了对乙大娘,对乙家的尊重与珍惜。

丙大哥的情况就比较特别一点。他以成家多时但是无儿女。一般来说,属于“二人党”的家庭会让人有一个概念,就是不需要特定家庭日。反正就只有两个人嘛,随时要外出“约会”都行。但是老实说,我倒觉得这类家庭特别容易忽视对方。这类家庭如果没有特定一个家庭日而坚持这个原则,那久而久之就会出现自己的另一伴不是与自己结婚的那位,而是签下工作合约,答应卖命的那一份了。

一个家庭里,我觉得家庭凝聚力是一样被人忽视的一环。有些人有一种很谬的概念:一家人,体内的血有一样的,自然而然就会有凝聚力。说句粗俗的话:放屁!体内的血一样就一定有凝聚力?体内的血一样只能勉强说这一家人体内的基因类似罢了,与凝聚力撤不上关系!

一家人的凝聚力是要培养的。就算是领养的孩子,如果从小就在一个细心培养凝聚力的家庭中长大,就算体内流着的血是不同的,凝聚力仍然会在的。一家人,就算是体内流这一模一样的血,但是如果没有培养凝聚力,只培养彼此竞争与打击的习性,那神秘的家庭凝聚力仍然会远离他们。

这似乎是很简单,却又很难让人理解的概念。

* 给予个人隐私权,他原本所说的一天已被删除。

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